The Universe and Its Methods
by SeetheRed
Summary: After Callie and Arizona fight at the end of 9x01. Will Arizona begin to forgive her wife, or is this the end of their marriage?
1. Chapter 1

**The Universe and Its Methods**

Why do bad things happen? Is it to test a person's will? Make them stronger in the long run? Do they deserve it because of some past transgression? Or is the universe just completely random in its punishments, the hurt it causes?

To Callie it doesn't feel random. This is a consistent theme of her life, one she is familiar with on the most intimate of levels: grief; suffering. Once one round is finished, another begins without pause or consideration. Honestly, she'd come to expect it around every victory, after every happy moment.

Then she married Arizona.

Life had reached her pinnacle of perfection then. She was with the woman she loved, had a healthy daughter who would have a present father, what could possibly destroy this stability, this feeling of wholeness?

A plane crash, apparently.

There was this hole forming in Callie's chest that only grew larger when she thought of her best friend's death. She couldn't even bring herself to think of what she did to Arizona, because if she did, her pain might finally consume her and take her marriage with it. If there was any way to protect Arizona, it was by doing this, at least that's what she thought while she sobbed out in the living room every night.

Even approaching midnight when the whole world was still, Callie could feel the resentment seeping through the bedroom walls. Forgiveness seemed like the stuff of fairytales at this point, and even if it weren't Arizona wasn't willing to try. Callie couldn't blame her entirely, but that didn't keep her from wanting her wife to at least look at her without blatant hatred. Maybe kiss her for once. But according to the blonde, that was asking for everything.

So here Callie was, hovering outside the bedroom door, wanting to walk in and hold her Arizona and forget everything that happened. Still though, spiteful words tore through her mind like razor wire. She ruined Arizona's life, and there was no taking it back. She hurt the person she loves more than anything. Again.

And Mark died.

There's honestly nothing else the universe can take away. The only thing left is Sofia, who almost has one parent. Arizona doesn't really want to help, or can't. Callie chooses to think that it is the latter, because the thought of the blonde no longer caring about their family makes her want to curl up into a ball and give up on everything. She can't though, at least not yet. Someone has to keep trying, and it obviously has to be Callie.

The door creaked loudly as it swung open, causing the brunette to wince and expect some kind of retaliation at her entry, but none was forthcoming. Through the darkness the mass on the bed remained completely motionless. Whether Arizona was ignoring her presence or was too angry to acknowledge it, Callie could not be sure.

"Arizona?" Callie whispered brokenly. Any kind of response, even a bitter remark, was welcome.

A dead silence fell over the room instead. She didn't even shift. Nothing.

"Can I lay next to you?"

This time Arizona pulled the blanket tighter around her, sending off the clear rejection of that idea.

The brunette let out the breath she was holding, not bothering to hide her disappointment. There was no point anyway; each knew how the other felt about the situation. "I'll just sit on the floor, then."

From her position on the floor, barely any of Arizona was visible. Only pale hair glinted in the dim light coming from the still open door. Callie wanted to run her fingers through it like she used to, back before all of this. It used to calm the both of them. Arizona would always get this small content smile every time. God, how she missed that.

"Do you hate me?" Callie finally forced out, arms wrapped around herself to keep at least some control.

No response.

The tears were unavoidable, just like before, when she tried to get her out of bed. She wanted so desperately to give into them and climb into Arizona's arms. But here she was, sitting on the cold floor, in almost darkness. "Do you want me to leave? For good?" Her voice was almost too small to be heard, but she knew the blonde could hear her. "That seems to be what you want."

She sat there for what felt like an hour, waiting for something, anything. Her eyes were beginning to drift close for the first time in days. Ever since she found out about the plane crash sleep was elusive, but then the ensuing distance from her wife only made it worse. Callie supposed the proximity to Arizona was making it easier to pretend that they were having some stupid fight and if she slept finally, maybe things would be better in the morning. She knew better, of course, but there was nothing wrong with imagining.

"You know after finding out you slept with Mark, I thought there was nothing you could do to hurt me more. That was it. It was as bad as it could get for me then," Arizona's voice was flat and emotionless, almost like she was talking about someone else's life. "But then you broke your promise to me."

Callie sat there and listened without a sound, because this is what she deserved for earlier. How could she expect something like this to just go away? What Callie said was out of frustration and pain, but it was still a lot to ask, given the circumstances.

Turning over, Arizona locked eyes with Callie. "That isn't something that just goes away for me."

"I know, I'm sorry. I just didn't want either of us to hurt anymore after everything with Mark, and then I do this to you. I don't know how to fix this."

Arizona just watched the emotions flit across her partner's face. How are you supposed to respond to the person who changed your life irrevocably?

When the brunette thought she couldn't take it anymore and began to stand, a soft voice stopped her. "Don't leave."

After pausing in disbelief for a few seconds, Callie slowly lowered herself back down to the floor. It wasn't forgiveness, but it was definitely something.

"What do you want me to do?"

Bright blue eyes stared unblinkingly at the brunette's fatigue-worn face, taking in each line and wrinkle that had formed over the past month as a result of everything. "Just sit right there."

Callie stayed there for the rest of the night, even after Arizona fell asleep. She wanted to hold her hand again, or just touch her at all, but she knew what would happen.

For now, this was enough.

* * *

I might write more for this, but I'm not sure yet. Tell me what you think.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Wow, thank you everyone for your lovely reviews! It's made me happier than you can believe. I've decided to continue the story, so we'll see where it goes from here. I only hop I can live up to your expectations!

Please enjoy, and feel free to tell me your thoughts!

* * *

The first thing Callie felt was cold. She had curled inward at some point in the night to keep in some of the warmth, but the Seattle temperature had been getting colder everyday, and was evident by the chill in the apartment. The heater would soon become her best friend.

Her best friend.

Mark.

The thought was pushed away quickly, her dark eyes already welling with tears against her will. She couldn't allow herself to break apart, not after last night. There was some progress, at least that's what she was telling herself. Arizona said words that didn't include 'leave' or 'what have you done to me'. This could be a step in the right direction. It would definitely be a while until they would be at a good place.

The air felt stale, like no one had walked around the room in at least a week. Granted, Callie had been banished to the living room for the past month, but that was no excuse for it to feel like a foreign space. Abandoned.

Arizona was lying in the same position as before, facing Callie on her side. The brunette expected her to be asleep, but wide blank eyes told her otherwise. There was no telling whether she'd been up all night or not, Callie fell asleep before her.

After bringing Arizona home from the hospital, this had been what frightened her the most. Not the lack of leg, or the horrible words, this. She would just stop and stare at nothing, without moving. Despite Callie's best efforts, she would remain that way until the unappeasable anger would return stronger than before. It was exhausting, but more than that terrifying. If this was going to be the rest of Callie's life, she honestly didn't know what she was going to do.

"Arizona?" She spoke softly, as if the woman in front of her might break.

Blue flicked to brown, but she remained silent. Realizing this was the most acknowledgement she was going to get, Callie continued. "Do you want some breakfast? I can make some omelets with all the ingredients you like."

"I'm not hungry," Arizona murmured. For the most part, she had pushed Callie away when it came to help, even when it included food. It used to be something The blonde cherished about her wife, always wanting Callie to make something instead of going out to eat. She appreciated the home cooked meals. Now it was just a reminder of another thing she needed done for her. It resulted in a recent loss of weight that Callie battled to the best of her ability. The lack of a willing party was problematic, though.

Callie's fingers combed through her hair as she said, "Arizona, you have to eat. We've been over this. It's not healthy."

"Why do I need to stay healthy?" There was genuine curiosity in her voice. It caused a knot to form in Callie's stomach. Did she not realize how important she is?

"Because, I don't want anything to happen to you," Callie emphasized. Her fists were clenched tight at her sides, to the point of pain.

Arizona looked up at her then, the barest hint of emotion crossing her features. "Something has already happened to me."

The weight of that statement caused Callie to draw in a sharp breath. She couldn't tell if she was referring to the crash or the amputation, but either implication threatened to overcome her. Even if she didn't mean for it to be, it was an accusation. Callie had failed her. First she sat at home wasting her time while Arizona suffered in the woods. Then took away the one thing the blonde asked for.

This was worse than any dying patient, than any pain she'd caused anyone in the past. It was the worst thing she had ever done, and it was going to be with them for the rest of their lives.

She couldn't think about that, not if she was going to make the best breakfast known to mankind. Callie couldn't change the past, no matter how hard she tried, or desperately wanted to. The option to do all she could to make the present better was still open, though.

"I know that. But I can protect you now, and that starts with feeding you, right?" Callie allowed the corners of her mouth to lift slightly.

Arizona did not seem to find the situation humorous or cute, so there was no response. The brunette leaned in to kiss her forehead, but an immediate turn of the head prevented it from connecting. Awkwardly leaning back, Callie looked down at the defensive form of her wife and sighed. It was a constant uphill battle, but she had to keep going, no matter how difficult Arizona was making it.

Time.

It would take time. Even if it hurt.

With this in mind, Callie waited until she closed the bedroom door to let her tears fall. She wouldn't make a sound, because that would be giving in, which she had no time for. There was a wife and baby to take care of. So she allowed herself a few seconds to collect herself before making her way across the cluttered living room. Between her recent banishment and Sofia's toys, the once tidy area had fallen into disarray. Usually, Arizona would have never allowed this kind of neglect. She'd clean with a passion the brunette had never seen before, hair in a messy bun and wearing one of Callie's oversized sweatshirts. Every few minutes an order would be barked across the room and Callie immediately obeyed, not willing to face the consequences if everything wasn't sparkling by the estimated time.

Damn marine brat.

The nursery was quiet when Callie entered, but there stood the toddler, hoping up and down at the sight of someone. Only recently had she mastered the art of walking, and it brought a smile to her mothers' faces every day. Well, Callie's at least. She knew Arizona cared, but it was hard for her to watch Sofia stumble around when she had lost the ability entirely. The dull look in her eyes while she tried to be excited for her little girl was heartbreaking, to the point of Callie trying to avoid the situation entirely.

She could tell that Sofia missed her mama though. Every morning when the brunette came in, she could tell by her confused expression that Arizona should have followed closely behind.

When she got Sofia out of the crib she held her tightly, breathing in the intoxicating baby smell that never ceased to calm her. The brunette's heart melted when her baby curled around her shoulder in return. As long as Callie had this, and Arizona realized she had it too, they would be all right. She was sure of it.

Their cuddling was interrupted by a loud knock that echoed through the apartment. Callie grumbled at the unexpected interruption, but made her way towards the door anyway. She turned the knob and raised her eyebrows at the visitor.

"Alex? What are you doing here? I though you were on your way to Hopkins," Callie questioned, trying to keep the now squirming baby still.

The obviously exhausted man sighed. "I need to talk to Robbins. I didn't go."

He sounded very matter-of-fact about all these sudden changes. But even if he changed his mind, it really wouldn't change the anger his former mentor still felt towards him. It might have pleased the old Arizona, but now Arizona really wasn't in a forgiving mood. If she couldn't even tolerate her own wife, why would she be willing to talk to him?

"I don't think this is a good time. Maybe give her a while to not hate us, and then come back. It could do wonders for your health," Callie warned.

"I'm not leaving until Robbins helps me figure out how to take back the Peds Ward until she gets better."

"Alex, I really-"

"Torres!"

The determined set of his jaw showed that he really wasn't going to let this go. Sighing, Callie stepped to the side and let him in. Her face twisted into a grimace as he headed towards the bedroom door. Arizona might finally kill her for this.


End file.
